survivorforum.com

[juxtapieces]

getting scareder

[CK]

katieb, these are really old posts that had much broader context. that's about all i can say... but umm, yeah, just know that they're not what i would base any firm judgements/responses on, 'k. and well, obviously you need to determine what's safe and OK for you and yours but yeah, i'd just take some of these much, much older posts with a grain of salt or two. *shrug*

[juxtapieces]

i've been readin all nite long. been trying to figure some things out. sometimes the brain is way older than the heart. the body person doesn't post here but only one time so far and she's in freakdom.
i'm trying to make it better.
thank you for answering, i din't even look at the date.
DUH KATIE. oh well.

[CK]

well, let's just say that the forum has come a looooong way since then and it's totally different and imo much safer group here now and just a real different experience. but it's *your* experience of it that matters so yeah, no matter how 'scary' looking things can seem from the outside or from some perspective of folks long gone from the therapeutic work or whatever well that isn't what counts for you and your healing...

just a thought. 'cause a lot of this recovery jazz is more of a seek and you shall find out for yourself kinda deal, i reckon.

anyway, i'll shut up and let you make your own decisions 'cause that's the most important part. take care

[juxtapieces]

true, just that some of the seeking has caused really really bad things. she was too trusting so i'm trying really hard to make sure it's all good. things are super calm right now because i'm doing my job but all dung was flying high yesterday because i wasn't.

EGBA
everything's gonna be alright
someday

[CK]

*nods* can definitely relate to that. well, i'll put it this way... my attitude, going in, knowing i had similar stuff to sort thru, was basically ok, well what's the harm of giving it a go for a month or so? minimal risk, as risks go, 'eh.

reckon it's about finding your safety zone, knowing how you want to play it, even when it gets tough. because, clearly, that isn't necessarily going to be the same as your comfort zone when it comes to healing and recovery and such.

and yeah, EGBA. i like that one

[kathy]

katieb,

I've removed the 2 posts you were looking at because they were from 2005, and really not at all relevant to things in the current day, and... because those posts were written by someone's individual situation, I can't really explain that stuff to you anyway.

I agree with CK's comments to you - she's done very well in explaining things (Thanks CK!!!!) - but if you would like to get a clear view of what the forum is like now - with the people that are here now - stay focused on the posts that are dated 2009 and 2010.

Once the posts get older than that, they are more and more likely to be by someone who is no longer here, or just about something so very old that it doesn't apply anymore. I make changes to the forum every year, so some of the issues from former years are already long ago addressed / changed / now non-issues, etc.

It's taken a lot of time to figure out how to manage this forum to make it as good as possible, and frankly, the 2009-2010 group is the best group we've had yet.

Lots of positive changes have happened around here, so the more current you stay in your reading, the more accurate your perceptions will be.

It really is a good place here... but it is good that you are checking things out. Feel free to ask questions if you have any.

Kathy

[juxtapieces]

it's hard because history does matter. so i get staying current focused but* i don't know how to explain.
i did read about the flower thingie and think i understand it better. there was a bad person involved and triggers happened and well i wasn't there but i know what i read.
i try really hard to not feel fear but it's part of my job to create safety so i wouldn't be honest if i hadn't said those things scared me.
there will always be hurt. that's life. there will be good things. that's life. i want more good things for all of us.

thank you both. will be watching in T this week. there's other stuff going on so i don't know if she'll tell about here. some of the others have been getting in the way in there already and she needs to talk about this one thing that the T said should take 3 sessions. *i* happened to think it needs more time but whatever. maybe i'll write a note or something. i don't know. it's all very hard right now. i need her to listen to ME and she's really freaked. we were all supposed to have gone away many years ago. the other T wanted us to go away, so we did for the outside but nobody cared what WE wanted so we didn't really go away. then a bad thing happened and now i'm just busy. red alert. lots of people don't tell the difference between us so it all melts together for them and helps me do my job. starting headache trying to explain so will stop.

i shouldn't complain. it could be lots worse. it's just i don't want to have to go away for her to be around. that probably doesn't make any sense.

thank you both again. i needed to hear that it's okay even if i don't really KNOW it's okay.

shut up Katie you're babbling. la la la la la.

[kathy]

Hi Katieb
And hi to everyone reading this thread -

I want to explain something on a bigger, broader basis.


Yes, history does matter. That's why I have left the vast majority of 5 yrs of posts available for view for members to see.

There is nothing to hide here at SF, and you can imagine, that with nearly 65,000 posts and 5 yrs of history, there have been some interesting moments.

But that's just people. People -- especially dissociative trauma survivors -- are interesting, complicated, complex, etc. And obviously, the members here are trauma survivors, each arriving at SF with their own extensive history of abuse, their own list of scary perpetrator fears, their own triggers, their own tender spots, their own transference issues, their own projections, their own strengths and abilities, etc. Everyone that comes here arrives with their own long list of issues and troubles. No one bothers to join SF if they don’t already have issues.

With that in mind, as a group, we each do our best to keep SF safe and comfortable for everyone. And just as you are working to create your own safety (that's excellent), everyone here is responsible for their own safety. I do what I can to keep this forum setting as safe as possible, but every single group member is expected to do their own part as well. Everyone is responsible for themselves.

And that works.

Because that's how life is.

We are each responsible for our own safety and protection. That applies to SF, to any other website online, to any real-life situation, to meeting any person in public or private, etc. I do a lot of teaching about safety / safety issues, and we have a lot of discussions about safety issues here, etc, but everyone here is still responsible to apply those skills to their own lives.

Yes, lots of people have come and gone, for any number of reasons, and some people have been here for the entire time that SF has been available online. There is both long-term stability and an ongoing ebb and flow for who is here participating at any point in time.

Who you are calling "flower" was here in 2005 for a brief 3.5 months. She is a distant memory, she's been gone for over four years, and she will not ever be invited back due to the inappropriateness of her behavior. She’s gone now. The troubles connected to her will not happen again.

A few other trouble-maker types are gone too, and they will not be allowed back into this group setting. Once someone has shown that they have destructive intentions towards myself or SF group members, those people are banned from SF with no option to return. Inappropriate or destructive behavior will not be tolerated at SF.

I work hard to keep the forum setting as safe as possible. People of questionable behaviors are challenged, they are given the chance to correct their behaviors, but if / when someone purposefully causes or creates inappropriate trouble or chaos or harm towards other group members, they are simply not welcome to stay in this group setting.

Group settings are not for everyone.

SurvivorForum is not just a social setting. SF is not a crisis center. SF is a therapeutic group setting. SF is a place for trauma survivors who are serious about working on their issues and addressing their healing. SF is for people who take personal responsibility for their own behavior and for people who are willing to support others along the way. This is not a place to hurt or mislead others. SF group members address their own therapeutic issues, including poor behavior and inappropriate social issues. All SF members are expected to be able to take good care of themselves, and to be in charge of their own safety. We have a lot of fun, but we do a lot of work.


The message I send to everyone out there – if you want to be challenged to grow, and if you want to work on your own stuff, and if you are willing be behave appropriately, you are more than welcome to join this group.

However, if you feel that is too much to ask, please go elsewhere.

Kathy

[juxtapieces]

I hope that the perception wasn't that KatieB was behaving inappropriately. I am very aware that this resource is very limited. It is a tool, not a panacea.
I understand fear and research and some things that she does not. That's called being an adult. I'm not upset with anyone here and certainly hope that noone is upset with me/us.
Since it is apparent at this time that I can not participate on the TM side then I will do my level best to get to know people here. It feels like because the post was from me/us that we are in "trouble" now. That doesn't make it true, it just makes it a feeling. I think maybe a separate post describing "appropriate behavior" and what this forum is for and not for may have seemed less personal, because as it is unless someone stumbles on this, like my T for instance, it seems directed at the original poster.
I know how to behave. Four decades on the planet, yep, I know very well what is okay and what is not.
I'm doing the best I can and hope that noone has personalized anything from me or from Katie because I can assure everyone that it's just not that way.
On that note I'm leaving this thread alone.
Me

[juxtapieces]

I guess I should add the original posts were deleted. That's for my T's knowledge. So Katie was NOT the original poster.

Me

[kathy]

all the katieb's,

Oh, no - y'all aren't in trouble. Not at all.

And yes, as I mentioned above, the original two posts in this thread were removed (not deleted), but removed from this thread because they referred to an individual situation in 2005 that I cannot elaborate on in public.

My explanations about behavioral appropriateness were in response to your posts / comments / questions about the ratings site and the flower mess and whether or not this place is safe. You were asking about that, (fairly enough), and my response is - we have behavioral standards that help to keep this place safe. And people from previous years - people who would not keep those behavioral standards (thus interrupting overall group safety) - are no longer allowed to participate in this group. Thus the group is safer now than it was then. That's a good thing.

My post was an attempt towards addressing your concerns, katieb -- not commenting on your behavior (you're brand new here - I don't even know about your behavior!). I was responding to what you were feeling scared about, and providing some historical explanation for you.

While this particular post is specifically to you, the post I wrote before this was written "and to everyone" as well.

I hope that helps to clarify a little more.

Kathy

[juxtapieces]

Thank You Kathy.

I'm really stressed out and tired. It's been a long day, had therapy, tried to juggle me etc, etc, etc.

I do appreciate your clarity. I'm just really raw and wide open right now. Not really feeling so hot. My T told me she didn't feel shame toward me today but I'm not doing very well believing that. And I hate crying but I'm doing a lot of it today.

Thanks again.
Me